


White Is Red

by bugmadoo



Category: Shameless (US)
Genre: 5x10 rewrite, Basically, Fluff and Angst, M/M, dugout fic, ian and mickey TALKING, mentions of past traumatic events, with loads of flashbacks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-21
Updated: 2015-04-21
Packaged: 2018-03-25 01:10:40
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,652
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3791035
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bugmadoo/pseuds/bugmadoo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Mickey looked at Ian who was still staring out on the field. “What?”<br/>“We’ve never talked about it.”<br/>“What do you mean?”<br/>“Everything, really.”</p>
<p>// 5x10 dugout scene rewrite (+a little more dugout goodness)</p>
            </blockquote>





	White Is Red

**Author's Note:**

> i started writing this after 5x09 aired and because i'm the slowest writer ever and the show frustrated me more than anything, it took me this long to finish it but here we go! this is the first time i ever wrote anything remotely this long so i hope it's ok
> 
> obviously the parts in italics are flashbacks to times they were at the dugouts (i think we can all agree that there's no way they only went there once before 5x10)
> 
> also carl in juvie?? what the hell are you talking about 
> 
> oh and the title is from a song by Death From Above 1979 by the same name (they don't sound as scary as the band name suggests check it out it's good reading soundtrack for this one)

Ever since Ian could remember the Gallagher house was always busy and loud. Whether it was because of Fiona screaming for her siblings to come downstairs for dinner, the TV blaring some documentary or the noise that went hand in hand with six people living together. Ian always had loved it really, and over time he had learned to navigate through the sounds of the Gallagher household. One of Ian’s skills included knowing who was coming up the stairs from the kitchen by what noises they were making. If the steps he heard were quick and short then it usually was Fiona with a basket of dirty clothes under her arm. If he heard slower strides which were quieter, it usually meant Lip would barge into the room without knocking. It was a game Ian had perfected over the course of his childhood in the Gallagher house.

Lately, however, the Gallagher home had been much quieter than it used to be. If Ian didn’t know any better he would’ve thought that the house was deserted for the most part. The only person who seemed to always be there every time was Sammi ironically. Sammi, who nobody actually wanted to while the people who were supposed to be in the house weren’t. Ian still didn’t quite understand why his new-found sister was staying there in the first place but he had been living with Mickey when she had moved in and therefore he didn’t have anything to do with her most of the time. He also didn’t really hear any complains about her whenever he talked to one of his siblings so he supposed he had nothing to worry about.

Now, Ian just couldn’t bring himself to care about Sammi – or about much else really. He felt numb in a way he had never experience before and he couldn’t feel a fucking thing. He tried thinking of memories that usually helped whenever he was feeling off: Fiona throwing her arms in the air and then hugging him tightly after he told her that he got promoted in ROTC, Liam saying Een for the first time, Mickey and him running away after Mickey beat up Ned, Ian and Lip getting high in the van together, Mickey and Ian at the dugouts after Mickey got out of juvie the first time.

To Ian’s frustration it wasn’t helping.

Just then, Mickey walked into the boy’s room having just showered.

“Hey,” Mickey said with a smile. “Didn’t know you were back already.”

“Here I am,” he replied.  
  
Ian watched Mickey get dressed and got himself up from his seat on the bed and took the backpack from the only chair in the room.  
  
“Grab your jacket,” Ian said as he was leaving the room.  
  
“We going somewhere?” Mickey yelled at Ian’s back.  
  
“Yup!”  
  
A couple of minutes later Mickey came down the stairs to the kitchen where Ian had been sitting, waiting for him.  
  
“Are you gonna tell me where we’re going?”  
  
Ian smiled. “You’ll find out soon enough.”  
  
Their walk was quiet and comfortable and Ian basked in the silence. Mickey was barely silent anymore these days. Usually, they talked to each other but lately Ian felt that Mickey was the one doing a majority of the talking. When Mickey wasn’t reminding him to take his pills or to eat or to do whatever the fuck else, he was idly chatting away about things Ian didn’t really care about. He never used to mind it – the contrary – but by now Ian felt like Mickey’s words were filling the air around them and the words started replacing the oxygen, so it became harder to breathe.  
  
Ian sternly led the way to the dugouts and wondered when Mickey would realize where they were heading. He didn’t know if Mickey felt the same way, but for Ian, the dugouts were special. Between all the shit times that they had gone through together or not, nothing bad had every happened at this place. If someone told him to make a list of his happiest memories, then the first time Ian and Mickey went to the dugouts would be on top of that list.

 

 

\-------

_“Don’t officers get shot first?” Mickey asked and it sounded like he was mocking the redhead but Ian thought he may have also heard some concern in there as well. He shook his head and brushed it off. He just smiled and kept looking at Mickey as they moved into the dugout and he took a beer out of his backpack._

_“Here, shotgun.”_

_Ian watched as Mickey bent over slightly to stab the can of beer and he couldn’t help but appreciate the view. Ian finally had a few moments to openly stare at Mickey without him noticing and Ian would be damned if he didn’t make the most of it. Mickey had visibly bulked up in Juvie and Ian was more than glad about the fact that the sleeveless shirt he was wearing was showing off all those defined arm- and shoulder muscles. For a very short second Ian was almost glad that Mickey had gone to juvie if it that place had made Mickey look like this. Only almost though._  
  
_Mickey brought the can of beer to his lips and started sucking furiously which had Ian’s eyes glued to Mickey’s lips and throat. The sight was so appealing that he almost missed it when Mickey gestured Ian to come closer. Luke-warm beer flooded Ian’s mouth when Mickey pressed the can against his lips and he tried to grab the can himself only to find Mickey’s own hand blocking the space. It sent a short bout of electricity through Ian’s skin and he almost choked. Mickey didn’t immediately pull away though and Ian relished in the contact. Their hands rarely ever touched._  
  
_The redhead could see the remnants of a bright smile on Mickey’s face and Ian desperately tried to think of something to say to continue their comfortable conversation from before._  
  
_“So you make a lot of friends on the inside-“_  
  
_But Mickey cut him off before he could finish the sentence._  
  
_“You wanna chit chat more or you wanna get on me?”_  
  
_There was a mischievous smile on Mickey’s face because you knew full well which option Ian would go for before he had even asked. Ian didn’t immediately answer though. Maybe out of spite but maybe because he didn’t want to look away from Mickey’s face just yet._  
  
_Eventually, Ian felt the pure need for Mickey pound through his veins so intensely that his hands found their way to his belt to unbuckle it. Mickey’s grin was almost devilish when he looked at Ian as he started undressing._  
  
_Although there was nobody around as far as they could see, they only undressed as far as they needed to. Mickey pushed down his jeans and boxers in one swift move so they pooled around his ankles and Ian could see that Mickey was already half hard. Ian quickly followed suit and Mickey turned around and bent over as far as he could with the fence in front of him, a wild grin on his face._  
  
_Ian was pretty sure that the sight of Mickey’s ass in front of him, waiting for Ian, would be one that the redhead would never get tired of no matter how often and how long he would look. The view alone made Ian’s dick twitch and the fact that he was going to finally be able to bury himself inside of Mickey soon made Ian hear the metaphorical angels sing._  
  
_“Are you gonna stand there all fucking night or what?” Mickey asked impatiently and Ian could barely suppress a laugh._  
  
_“What? Is your ass getting cold, Mick?”_  
  
_“Jesus Christ, just get on me.”_  
  
_“I’ll warm you up in no time, I promise,” Ian said and Mickey could hear the smile in his voice._  
  
_Ian reached back to the bench behind them to pick up the backpack Mickey had brought and where Ian knew Mickey had stashed away some lube and condoms. Anxious to finally be inside the boy in front of him again, Ian coated his fingers with the lube and turned back to stand behind Mickey._  
  
_“If you don’t get a move on I’ll fucking –“ Mickey cut himself off with a moan because Ian had quickly eased one finger inside him for the exact purpose of shutting him up._  
  
_Hearing Mickey moan brought back a flood of memories of when Ian had heard that same sound before. Impressions of Mickey’s pale skin, sounds of both of their panting, the smells of sweat and come filled Ian and he closed his eyes for a second. As much as he loved those memories and loved using them as warm blankets in the cold of the night, they never lived up to the real thing, so Ian was more than eager to finally feel that bliss prickle on his skin again._  
  
_Ian started working his finger in and out, circling it around and willing Mickey to relax as quickly as possible. Despite his overwhelming need to be inside of Mickey and to feel the rush that came with it, Ian took a moment just to look at the boy before him. The pale skin, illuminated from the floodlights and almost making it look like Mickey himself was glowing. His shoulders that were more filled out than before and which right now, carried most of Mickey’s weight in this bent over position. The butt that Ian couldn’t get enough of, jiggling slightly in rhythm to Ian’s fingers and which felt so amazing no matter if it was Ian’s finger and cock inside of it. Then Mickey wiggled his hips slightly and Ian snapped out of his reverie and added another digit and started scissoring his fingers to prepare Mickey._  
  
_The echoes of short gasps filled the air in the dugout._  
  
_Ian’s free hand grasped Mickey’s hip, digging his fingers into the pale skin, hoping he would leave some mark for Mickey to remember him by. He kept twisting his fingers, searching for the spot that would make Mickey moan out in pleasure louder than he would otherwise, on a quest to hear all the sounds Ian knew Mickey could make._  
  
_“Come on Gallagher, I’m good,” Mickey panted and Ian didn’t need to be told twice._  
  
_He withdrew his fingers out of Mickey’s ass, grabbed the condom he took out earlier and ripped it open with his teeth, his hand too slippery to be of much help. Ian rolled on the condom and quickly spread more lube on top of it before tossing the bottle away completely._  
  
_Finally, Ian lined up behind Mickey, his left hand gripping Mickey’s waist and his other one slowly guiding himself inside of Mickey. They both let out a groan at the same time as Ian pushed in and Mickey let out a particularly loud breath when Ian bottomed out. Ian let himself stay just like this for a few seconds to let Mickey adjust and a feeling of content came over Ian. Jesus, he has missed this. It felt like there had been a splinter under Ian’s skin that he couldn’t find until Mickey had finally been able to pull it out on his first try._  
  
_“Move,” Mickey said while wiggling his hips again, causing Ian to moan and he did as Mickey commanded._  
  
_The redhead didn’t waste any time trying to build up to a faster pace since he knew by now that Mickey liked it rough and he doubted that Mickey’s tastes had changed while he was in juvie. Sure enough, Mickey let out small gasps that went straight into Ian’s gut as if sparks were replacing the blood in his veins._  
  
_“Oh, fuck Mick,” Ian rasped out and slowly stroked his left hand along Mickey’s spine up to his shoulder, wanting to feel the muscles there and all the while pounding Mickey like he was born to do so. Ian’s right hand was still gripping Mickey’s hip like a vice and that change in angle lead to Ian hitting Mickey’s sweet spot._  
  
_The groan that tore itself from Mickey throat was primal, raspy, and loud and Mickey couldn’t find it in himself to care about who could possibly hear them. He was too far gone to register anything else besides Ian – Ian behind him, inside of him, on him. Ian setting his insides on fire and getting him higher than any drug ever could and the slapping of their skin that was in synch with Mickey’s heart beats. If his heart beat had aligned with the rhythm of the slaps or if it was the other way round, Mickey didn’t really care, all he knew was that the fact made him feel like his heart was going to explode any minute._  
  
_It didn’t take long for both of them to feel the pressure of their approaching orgasm. Ian knew Mickey was close since Mickey was moaning with abandon and meeting Ian’s thrusts as much as he could in this position and Ian felt the tell-tale feeling at the bottom of his spine. Ian reached a hand around to wrap his hand around Mickey’s dick and started jerking him off. Ian tried to time his hands with his hips but he was too close to that familiar edge to be able to even think about coordinating anything. But Mickey came anyway, letting out one last loud groan that went straight to Ian’s groin. It only took a few more thrusts for Ian to come too, his breaths getting caught in his throat and a wave of heat washing over him._  
  
_Both their breaths were labored while riding the highs of their respective orgasms. Ian couldn’t fight the smile on his face even if he wanted to. He had missed this and he had missed Mickey even more so that moment of them just being felt better than anything else had in a long time. Ian had to admit that he was looking forward to this summer now that Mickey would most probably be in the picture. Summers were usually pretty boring affairs for Ian: working at the Kash and Grab, helping Debbie with daycare on his days off and getting high with Lip. Maybe this summer would be different though and just thinking about the possibilities how Ian’s summer could pan out with mickey in it, made Ian more excited than anything else had in a long while._  
  
_Ian pulled out of Mickey, took off the condom and tossed it aside, not really caring where it would land in that moment. They both pulled up their pants again, breathing heavily and Ian thought if this was winter they both would have been enveloped in a foggy cloud of their heavy pants._  
  
_“Always wanted to do that here!” Mickey yelled and Ian wondered how the boy in front of him managed to permanently freeze a grin on Ian’s face. _ _ _ _ ___  
  
____

 

\-------

When they finally reached the baseball field, Mickey let out a chuckle like Ian hadn’t heard in a long while and he thought that coming here already seemed to have been a good idea.

“Jesus, we haven’t been here in forever,” Mickey said and although Ian couldn’t see him he could hear the smile still on Mickey’s face. Ian almost smiled himself because Mickey has said ‘we’ – as if he too knew that this was their place. Theirs alone.

They walked across the field and took the three steps down into the dugout, not another soul in sight. Ian had mapped it all out in his head. His intention had been to repeat their first time at the dugout as accurately as possible, so he took out a can of beer and the knife he packed into the backpack before they had left the Gallagher house.

“Here, shotgun,” Ian said, smiling at the memory of how the last time had went.

Ian was about to stab the can when Mickey started protesting.

“Ay, stop. Look, you’re not supposed to mix alcohol with your meds, alright? Turns your blood all toxic and shit.”

A wave of utter annoyance came over Ian at Mickey’s words. He had been more or less tolerating Mickey playing his fucking nurse and fussing over him all the time but hell, if Ian wanted a beer he was going to have a beer. So he ignored Mickey’s words and his overly concerned look and went ahead to stab the can and brought his lips to the slit. He stared at Mickey as he swallowed the cool liquid, never breaking eye contact and Ian felt himself grow angrier with each gulp. Mickey looked at Ian incredulously, his eyebrows raising high on his forehead and biting his bottom lip.

“Really, Ian? Wow, that’s so mature of you,” Mickey noted, his voice rich with sarcasm.

“Don’t know what you’re talking about,” Ian replied, slightly out of breath after finishing the entire can of beer in one go and willing Mickey to just let it go. He didn’t want to argue.

“How old are you? Twelve?”

“Apparently, yeah.”

“What the fuck’s that supposed to mean?”

“You definitely treat me like I’m twelve so yeah, I probably am fucking twelve years old.”

“If you act like one then I’m also gonna treat you like one, you know.”

“But I’m not, I can fucking take care of myself, thank you very much!” Ian said significantly louder than before.

“What the hell man I’m just trying t-“

“Why do you even give a shit, Mickey?” Ian asked, his anger filling every single cell in his body.

Mickey’s eyebrows rose up high and it seemed like a dark shadow flashed over his face.

“Are you fucking kidding me, Ian?” he yelled. “You always gave me shit for not caring enough and now that I do you’re telling me I should stop?”

“Oh, so you care now?” There was a mocking glint in Ian’s eyes that almost scared Mickey.

“Of course I do, shithead, why the hell do you think I’m here?” Mickey’s voice was loud, laced with incredulity and Mickey really couldn’t believe what Ian was suggesting.

“You don’t owe me anything, Mick. You can just go if you want to.”

“Where’d you get that idea from that I want to leave? What has gotten into you, man?”

Ian angrily stood up from where he was still leaning against the fence and he simply snapped.

“Whatever,” he said, jaw clenched tightly and he started walking towards the three stairs that would lead him onto the baseball field and away from Mickey.

“TWICE, IAN!” Mickey yelled at Ian’s back and the redhead jumped, surprised at the volume of Mickey’s voice. “Fucking twice.”

Ian turned around, blinking at Mickey and seeing him clench his eyes shut tight almost as if he was in pain. “Twice what?”

“I had to watch you walk away from me fucking twice! The first time when you left for the army and the second time when you ran off with Yevgeny!”

He was still loud, his voice echoing through the dugout and out onto the baseball field and there was a desperate tone to his voice that finally made Ian look at Mickey properly. If his voice wasn’t enough, it were Mickey’s eyes that did Ian in. They were wide open, tears threatening to spill and staring at Ian with an intensity that gave him goosebumps. It almost reminded Ian of the way Mickey looked at the Alibi when he had asked if Ian was happy now.

“Twice, Ian,” Mickey said, quietly this time. “And I refuse to do it again.” He shook his head. “I can’t. So just … just come back here and fucking talk to me. Please.”

Ian’s own eyes were stinging at the sight of the man in front of him and all the anger he had felt before evaporated and Ian wondered where it really had been there first place. He wasn’t even sure if he really would have gone through with walking out on Mickey again but he definitely wasn’t going to now. What Mickey had said felt like a confession – of what exactly, Ian didn’t know but he wasn’t going to push Mickey away for it.

He slowly walked the few steps back to Mickey’s side and sat down on the bench next to him, both overlooking the baseball field through the fence.

“I don’t want you to be my fucking nurse, Mick,” Ian whispered. He cleared his throat and continued a little louder. “I don’t want you to be my caretaker and I don’t want you to nag about my fucking pills and tell me what to do and not do. It makes the whole thing even worse.”

Mickey was about to protest but Ian cut him off.

“It’s just that hearing you say ‘Ian, take your pills’, ‘Ian, eat something’, ‘Ian don’t drink any coffee’, ‘Ian, don’t do this don’t to that’ … it’s exhausting, Mick.”

“Saying it is kinda exhausting, too.”

“Well, then don’t.”

“I can’t, Ian. I want to make sure you’re fine-“

“But I’m not a goddamn baby, I don’t need a nanny! For fuck’s sake Mickey, what I need is a boyfriend who doesn’t walk on eggshells around me like everybody else is doing! For some reason they think I can’t fucking hear them when they call me Monica or – or when they constantly remind me that there’s something wrong with me. I don’t need fucking reminding, I’m the one living it!”

Mickey was looking into Ian’s eyes, eyebrows drawn together and Ian felt like Mickey was looking for something in his expression. He had no idea if he found it or not.

“I promise to stop nagging you if you promise me to take your pills like you’re supposed to, alright?”

The redhead took a deep breath, combing his hands through his hair and not saying anything for a minute.

“Yeah, I think I can work with that.”

“Promise me, Ian.”

“I promise, Mick.”

Mickey’s body visibly relaxed with Ian’s words. “Good. I promise, too.”

“Thank you,” Ian replied, looking into Mickey’s eyes because he did not only mean the promise Mickey just made to him.

Ian’s head turned towards the field again, taking a deep breath and then he let out a small laugh as realization hit him.

“What?”

“I think this is the first time we actually talked something out,” Ian observed and sent a short glance towards Mickey. “Like fuckin adults are supposed to. Usually one of us walks out by now or someone else would have interrupted or some other shit would have went down.”

“Well yeah, it was about time, right?” Mickey took out a pack of cigarettes and lit one up, inhaling the smoke deeply before handing it over to Ian. “Us not properly talking to each other landed me in Juvie twice and some stupid army MPs are looking for your ass because of it.”

Sitting and smoking there with Mickey felt oddly calm to Ian although they had just screamed at each other. He never would have thought that actually talking about this would help and he figured this is the calm after their storm. Having resolved an argument with neither of them walking out or saying things that were too hurtful too repeat left Ian more euphoric than he had felt in a long while so he decided to just sit there and bask in their triumph a little. Maybe he was reading a little too much into this but, hell, he didn’t care about that right now.

“Sorry for snapping at you,” Ian mumbled. Mickey just waved it off.

They sat there in silence for a while, enjoying the other’s presence. A slight breeze moved the few strands of Ian’s hair that were hanging into his face and Mickey wanted to brush them back into place.

“Have you heard anything from Mandy?” Ian asked after a few more moments of silence.

Mickey took another drag from his cigarette Ian had just handed him before he answered. “Nah, not since a few weeks back.”

Ian crunched his face. “I’m worried about her.”

“Yeah,” Mickey replied, looking out at the field with a stern expression.

“I never should’ve trusted Lip to make her stay.”

“Sorry to break it to you but you’re bother always has been a douchebag, Gallagher.”

“I just thought that –“ Ian paused, eyebrows drawn together and small wrinkles on his forehead. “Nevermind.”

Mickey looked at Ian who was still staring out on the field. “What?”

“We’ve never talked about it.”

“What do you mean?”

“Everything, really.”

“Are you trying not to make any sense or does that come naturally to you?”

Ian smiled without meaning to and he could feel Mickey’s eyes on his face. His smile quickly faded again however, thinking about all the things they’d never talked about. Ian always thought that he and Mickey had just moved on from all the shit that had happened to them. But maybe it wasn’t so much moving on as it was just plainly ignoring it and if Ian had learned anything lately, than that ignoring something rarely made it go away.

“I’m so sorry, Mick,” Ian said, a pensive look on his face while Mickey took one last drag of the cigarette and threw the butt somewhere to their right.

“What the fuck for?”

“All the shit that happened.”

 

 

\-------

_They were both leaning against the fence of the dugout, calming down from the first (but probably not last) fuck of the night. This time they weren’t shotgunning a beer but Mickey had brought a bottle of cheap vodka and Ian had brought weed (“This is some seriously good shit,” Lip had told him the day before) so after getting it on, it was time to get high and drunk. Mickey was lighting the joint and Ian took a swing of the vodka and tried not to cough afterwards._

_“Your brother is an ass but he knows his weed,” Mickey said, looking appreciatively at the joint in his hand, exhaling the smoke through his nose and Ian smiled._

_“Can’t say the same about you and this vodka unfortunately.” That earned him a punch in the arm but Ian’s smile didn’t falter._

_Conversation flowed easily between the two of them albeit slower the more intoxicated they both became but Ian never felt uncomfortable when the silences between him and Mickey stretched on. Ian scooted a little closer to Mickey over the night so now that the vodka was almost empty and the last joint was finished, Ian’s right and Mickey’s left were touching. Although they were both wearing their clothes and they were practically just leaning against each other, Ian couldn’t help but think that this was intimate – and he wanted more of it._

_“You know, one time we borrowed an old lady from the nursing home Veronica works at to pretend to be our aunt Ginger so Frank could keep cashing her social security checks? Debbie fell so in love with her it was like she was her real aunt. They baked cookies together it was cute.”_

_“You do realize you already told me that story?”_

_“No, I haven’t.”_

_“Yeah, you have. Frank buried the original one in your back yard when she kicked the bucket.”_

_“… okay, I did tell you.”_

_Mickey looked like he won a game Ian didn’t know they were playing._

_“I was just testing your memory though. I knew I told you this before.”_

_“Oh, yeah?” Mickey said in a mocking tone and turned his head towards Ian. The redhead was surprised at how close both of them were and he was even more surprised when Mickey didn’t immediately pull away. Ian felt Mickey’s warm breath on his face and Ian couldn’t stop staring at Mickey’s slightly open mouth._

_“Yeah,” Ian answered._

_‘I want to kiss him so badly I want to kiss him so badly I want to kiss him so badly’_

_The sentence wouldn’t stop running around in Ian’s head and the urge to kiss Mickey had never been so strong as then. Mickey still hadn’t pulled away however and the need to make their lips touch was growing exponentially stronger in Ian’s body so he figured later he could blame it on too much alcohol and too much weed._

_Slowly, very slowly, Ian leaned in closer and closer to Mickey. The smaller the distance between them grew, the more he felt like he was genuinely being pulled into Mickey’s direction. The moment their lips touched, Ian felt warmth spread from his chest down his body, infiltrating every single one of his cells in his body. It really was just a touch of their lips and not really a kiss but when Mickey didn’t move, Ian took it as a good sign and fully pressed their lips together. He started moving his lips against the older boy’s and after a few seconds Ian’s heart almost stopped when Mickey started to reciprocate._

_Their first kiss started out slow and almost tentative but they were still Ian and Mickey despite the fact that this wasn’t usual for them so their kiss quickly grew more heated. In the back of his mind, Ian was surprised that this was even happening and the knowledge that he was kissing Mickey Milkovich out of all people made him soar. In a spontaneous decision Ian moved from next to the older boy and slowly stood in from of him without breaking the kiss. Mickey deepened the kiss, now that their angle was more comfortable and Ian brought his hand up to grip Mickey’s head. Ian almost wanted to run over the baseball field behind them and scream in joy but in that moment Mickey was clutching Ian’s side of the head to pull him closer and Ian smiled into the kiss.  
This was so much better than anything he would have imagined and he thought a lot about kissing Mickey. It felt like thousands of short drops of electricity were raining on his body and he thought that kissing Mickey may be even better than any orgasm he had received from him and Ian never wanted this to stop._

_But it did._

_“What the fuck, Gallagher?” Mickey yelled suddenly and pushed Ian away so that the redhead stumbled a few steps backwards._

_Although Ian had heard Mickey spit that phrase with more venom before, this time the words stung. Mickey sounded as breathless as Ian felt._

_‘You kissed me back’ Ian wanted to throw back at Mickey._

_‘You were the one gripping my head for dear life.’_

_‘You were doing it too.’_

_All those replies were floating through Ian’s brain but he didn’t say any of them. What made him stop was the look on Mickey’s face. Ian liked to think that he had Mickey figured out by now (for the most part at least) but he had never seen this expression the older boy’s face before. His eyes looked softer and more open than he had ever seen them and he was avoiding looking into Ian’s eyes. His shoulders were tense and he was biting his bottom lip. Then it clicked in Ian’s head – Mickey actually looked scared._

_It surprised Ian, but it also didn’t. The longer he looked at Mickey the more evident it became. Mickey’s eyes darted around as if checking if they were still alone although he knew full well they were. His tattooed hands were fidgeting all over the place, running over his face, thumbing his lip, running over his pants. Ian knew saying those sentences in his head was going to get the boy in front of him more defensive than he could deal with right now, although there was nothing more he wanted to say than point out that Mickey hadn’t been passive in any way. His responsiveness had made Ian feel like floating higher from a kiss than from the weed they had smoked and he hated to come crashing down again like this. But … Ian also understood._

_So Ian settled for something that hopefully wasn’t going to make Mickey run for the hills._

_“I’m drunk and high right now, you know I am. A little too much probably.”_

_Silence stretched between them while Ian frantically tried to think of how to save the situation but his fuzzy brain wasn’t of too much help._

_“Just don’t do that shit again,” Mickey said after a while, furrowing his eyebrows and looking at the ground._

_“Got it.”_

_A short silence followed._

_“Thanks for letting me keep my tongue.”_

_“Fuck off, Gallagher,” Mickey only replied and when Ian saw Mickey trying to suppress his smile it only made Ian want to kiss the older boy again and again._

 

 

 

\-------

Mickey exhaled loudly. “What do you mean?”

“What do I -?” Ian threw a glance at Mickey and let out a cold laugh.

“Well, how about that time your father beat you into unconsciousness right in front of me and I didn’t do anything to help? How about you got fucking shot twice because of me? How about-“

“None of that was your fucking fault, Ian! Did you really want to start fighting my dad when he was the one with the gun? You would’ve been dead as a fish –“

“But I still should’ve done something to help-“

“Ian, we both fucking know that if you would have done anything we would’ve both been dead. Hell, why do you think I got married to Svetlana? It wasn’t because I fucking wanted to!”

Although the day of Mickey’s wedding was one of the most painful and generally worst in his life, he suddenly was glad that they were talking about this. Ian had guessed that Terry was the reason Mickey had gone through with it but he had never really known, only desperately hoped that that had been the case.

“I know that now Mickey but I didn’t know back then. I mean how the fuck was I supposed to know you never talked to me about that shit and – and you know what really threw me off? How you could kiss me the way you did and then still walk down that fucking isle.” Ian crossed his arms, the memories in his head coming back to him and with the memories came the pain attached to them.

“I just felt betrayed and angry. I was sure I had been able to make up your mind and then …” Ian just waved his hands not really wanting to the rest of the sentence out loud because Mickey knew.

“I never had a slightest choice in that, man. My dad – “ Mickey stopped himself and rubbed a hand over his face roughly.

“What did he do?” Ian asked quietly, the moment and the conversation too delicate for a louder volume.

“Threaten me, mostly,” Mickey scoffed. “Said he could arrange a proper fag bashing if I wanted to and in case pistol whipping hadn’t been enough. He played it out as if it was so noble of him to give me the fucking freedom to choose or something.” Mickey voice grew softer then. “He – he threatened you too. Fucker recognized you and figured it wouldn’t leave me unaffected if you got hurt.”

Ian looked at Mickey who was staring out on the baseball field but not really looking at it. His eyebrows were drawn together tightly, wrinkles on his forehead and a mean snarl on his lips. Ian had forgotten that Mickey could look so full of hate. It basically had been a default expression in his younger years and it sort of hit Ian in that moment how far Mickey had come since those days. A wave of gratitude and love washed over Ian and took him under.

He took Mickey’s left hand in his right one, threaded their fingers and placed a small kiss on Mickey’s hand. Mickey watched Ian’s movements and Ian was pretty sure that he finally knew what kind of look Mandy had been talking about over a year ago. Mickey’s eyes were softer than Ian had ever seen them. Ian leaned over and let his lips linger against Mickey’s temple, trying to comfort the older boy. Ian knew that if he himself felt the pain of the memories than Mickey did too. He was the one who actually got married after all so a pang of regret erupted in Ian’s stomach.

“Sorry for bringing it up,” he whispered against Mickey’s temple.

“It is what it is, Gallagher. Don’t worry about it,” Mickey mumbled and leaned into Ian’s touch.

 

 

\-------

_Ian’s shift at the Kash and Grab had been slow like it often was but this particular Tuesday had been dragging along even mare than it usually would. What made it even worse that Mickey was off today for some reason so Ian had to sit out the long hours without any company. There was no Mickey to argue about irrelevant things with and there was no Mickey to fuck._

_When Ian finally closed the store, the sun was already setting, taking the crushingly hot temperatures with it. He was just about to make his way back home when a voice calling his name startled him._

_Mickey was standing on the other side of the street, a cigarette dangling between his lips and wearing Ian’s favorite top of his – not that Mickey knew that part. Ian looked left and right before crossing the street, his backpack slumped over only one shoulder and a grin on his face._

_“Hey, Mickey.”_

_“Hi Gallagher, got some pretty decent weed from someone who owed me a favor, you down for it?”_

_“Sure,” Ian replied while trying to act nonchalantly but excitement still bubbled up inside of him at the prospect of spending time with Mickey when he already had accepted the fact that he wouldn’t today. Getting high together was one of their favorite activities besides fucking and the thought brought a smile to Ian’s face because maybe – with a little luck – they would also be kissing again._

_It wasn’t a thing they did regularly – definitely not as often as Ian would want them to but ever since Mickey initiated that kiss in the van for the first time, Mickey had been more receptive of Ian’s advances on that front._

_Mickey started walking on the sidewalk, gesturing Ian to follow and together they went their way. The evening sun sank lower and lower as the boys once again made their way to the dugouts. Ian didn’t immediately recognize where they were headed because ranting to Mickey about his day or his family or anything else always was strangely therapeutic even though Mickey more often than not ended up making fun of something Ian had said. But he listened without offering any advice that was more than Ian could say about most people because Mickey understood that simply letting things out already helped most of the time._

_When they walked the familiar steps down into the dugout, Mickey took out his pack of cigarettes and took out the blunt he had rolled earlier and a lighter and handed both over to Ian. He took the items from Mickey without looking at the boy and lit up, inhaling deeply and handing the joint back._

_“This really is some good stuff,” Ian acknowledged._

_“Told ya,” Mickey replied, taking a hit off the weed himself and nodded._

_“What kind of favor did that guy owe you anyway?”_

_“None of your business?”_

_“Did you kill someone?”_

_“Gallagher, if I was a hatchet man I wouldn’t take a fucking bag of weed for payment.”_

_“Fair enough,” Ian laughed and took back the joint from Mickey._

_The familiar sight of the baseball field stretched out before them with both of the boys sitting on the bench, and Ian didn’t know if it had been Mickey’s intention for them to be watching the sunset together or not but he wasn’t about to ask. They sat in relative silence passing the blunt back and forth and enjoying the effects the weed started to have on them. Mickey threw the butt somewhere to their right and Ian realized that the air had slowly started to cool off because it finally felt like there actually was some oxygen in the air._

_They were sitting close to each other but not close enough for Ian’s taste so he scooted over, his legs touching Mickey’s. Ian went one step further and leaned over and started nipping at Mickey’s jaw, playing small splinters of kisses from Mickey’s ear to his chin._

_“What are you doing?” Mickey asked and he tried sounding irritated but he definitely failed, the fact that his voice was higher than it usually would be and Mickey actually leaning into Ian’s touches giving him away._

_“Nothing,” Ian replied, the smile audible in his voice. He kept nipping at Mickey’s jaw and when Ian reached a spot just below Mickey’s ear, the older boy drew in a harsh breath and his arm came around Ian to clutch the back of the redhead’s head to bring him closer. Ian grew positively ecstatic that he had discovered Mickey’s weak spot and started latching onto there and all he wanted to do was try to suck up a hickey as quickly as possible. Before he could start on his mission however, Mickey used the hand around Ian’s head to guide him away and suddenly Ian found Mickey’s warm lips on his own._

_In that moment Ian swore he could feel his bones melting in his body and he wondered how he hadn’t transformed into a puddle on the floor already. For some reason kissing Mickey was always a whole other realm than fucking Mickey and although both were equally good, they were a different kind of good and Ian couldn’t help but wonder what would happened if they ever combined those two. For now though, their lips were moving against each other, determined and hard, demanding the other to give as much as they got and Ian was more than willing to comply._

_Ian moved from beside the boy he was kissing to stand in front of him which proved to be not the most comfortable angle since now Ian was towering over Mickey even more than he usually was. Frankly, Ian didn’t really mind as long as he would be able to keep kissing Mickey but the other boy apparently wasn’t too keen on craning his neck this far up._

_Mickey got up, breaking the kiss and put his hands on Ian’s chest, pushing him back until Ian was leaning against the fence. He smiled wickedly when Mickey didn’t stop until they were pressed again each other and they both could feel the other’s erection straining against the confines of their clothes. Ian leaned in to continue their activities but Mickey ducked out of Ian’s path and got on his knees, hand already working to unbuckle Ian’s belt. Ian’s cock twitched at the sight and he threw his head back already, eagerly anticipating Mickey’s next move. Quickly, the redhead’s jeans and underwear were pooled around his ankles after Mickey pulled them down and he started jerking Ian off lazily. Ian moaned and mentally thanked whatever deity that Mickey had decided he wanted to come hang out with Ian after his shift and Ian meant hanging out in both the euphemistic way and the literal way._

_Drops of precome gathered on the tip of Ian’s dick quickly and Mickey gathered them on the palm of his hand, using it as lube as he twisted his hand around Ian and stroked him until he was fully and painfully hard. The longer Mickey went at it, the shorter Ian’s breaths became and the more Ian felt like he was climbing up on cloud nine. He barely registered the noise that rang through the dugout and joined the gasps of breath._

_“Gallagher, your fucking phone is ringing,” Mickey remarked, trying to cover that he was quite breathless himself but he couldn’t really fool Ian._

_“Shit. Right pocket of my jeans,” Ian barely managed to spit out before Mickey continued his ministrations and Ian cursed under his breath. Mickey laughed and Ian really didn’t mind being the punchline._

_Mickey used his free hand to give Ian his antiquated flip-phone and when Ian finally held it in his hands, it took him an embarrassing amount of time to decipher which name appeared on the screen._

_“Fuck, it’s Fiona,” Ian breathed. Remembering his sister, let Ian come down from his high long enough to internally debate what the hell he should do. He really didn’t want to stop the boy at his feet from finishing what he started but at the same time dodging Fiona’s calls never was a good idea._

_“Mick, stop I gotta take this,” Ian decided eventually and he took a deep breath to mask the fact that Fiona had interrupted him getting a goddamn handjob. He really hoped his sister wouldn’t notice or she would ask questions he didn’t really want to answer._

_“Hey Fi – oh fuck,” Ian yelled the last two words. Mickey had stopped jerking Ian off when the boy had asked him to do so, but as soon as he had taken Fiona’s call Mickey’s fucking mouth was on Ian and his eyes rolled into his head._

_“Ian, are you okay?” The concern in Fiona’s voice was loud and clear even over the speaker of the phone. Ian tried to collect himself which was hard considering how fucking good Mickey’s mouth felt around Ian’s dick._

_“Yeah,” Ian said, figuring he should stick to short answers because he was well aware he didn’t exactly sound okay. He looked down at Mickey, his wet lips around Ian, bobbing his head up and down while sucking as hard as he could. The sight in combination with the feeling drove Ian insane and it was a wonder he hadn’t dropped the phone in his hand yet._

_“Are you sure? You sound … out of breath,” Fiona noted and he almost had the nerve to reply ‘yeah, getting a blowjob will do that to you’ but he bit his tongue instead._

_“Positive,” Ian replied after a few heartbeats and he tangled his free hand in Mickey’s dark hair, trying to push the older boy away but Mickey wouldn’t budge. Instead, Mickey fucking smiled while he kept his mouth around Ian’s dick and just cocked his eyebrow. Oh, so that’s what this was – a challenge. Well, Ian would not back down from one that presented itself in the form of Mickey on his knees for Ian._

_“Where the hell are you then? You were supposed to be home an hour ago and dinner is ready in 15.”_

_Mickey sucked particularly hard all of a sudden, one of hands cradling Ian’s balls and somehow Ian had the wisdom to press the phone against his shoulder while he let out a loud groan and he never would have thought that just making a particular sound could be so satisfying. He put the phone back against his ear hoping that Fiona hadn’t heard him._

_“I might – might be a little late.”_

_“I’ll save you some, alright? I can’t promise Carl won’t find it and eat it though. That kid will eat us into financial ruin. Are you sure you’re fine though, Ian?”_

_Ian bit his lip to suppress another moan that threatened to spill. This competition between the two boys was turning increasingly harder and Mickey’s mischievous glint in his eyes just made everything even worse. Mickey was trying his hardest to break Ian by giving him the best blowjob of his life but Ian would not give up this easily. He was a very determined person after all ,so he took a deep breath to try to steady himself._

_“Yes, yes,” Ian said his breath hitching on the last syllable. He took another breath and heard Fiona starting to talk again so he rushed out “be there soon, bye.”_

_Ian finally hung up and let the phone fall out of his hand to quickly grab Mickey’s hair and pull._

_“You’re such a dick,” he breathed, throwing his head back. Ian tried to keep his hips in control so he wouldn’t make Mickey choke but it was barely working. Having to hold back all of his reactions now turned him almost feral now and he was practically fucking Mickey’s mouth. Ian sent a short prayer to anybody who would listen, hoping Mickey wouldn’t have anything against repeating this some time. Sooner rather than later._

_When Mickey started humming around Ian though, the redhead was pretty sure that this couldn’t be a bad sign and there was no way he could hold back his orgasm any longer. He came hot and loud down Mickey’s throat and for a second he thought he saw a shooting star in front of his eyes._

_Ian finally removed his hands out of Mickey’s strands of hair and it felt like they actually didn’t know how to do anything else than grip onto Mickey like his life depended on it. He could barely move them and Ian wondered if he had hurt the other boy. The shit-eating grin on Mickey’s face as he got up from his knees didn’t indicate it however so Ian put his hands on either side of Mickey’s face to pull him into a kiss._

_The kiss didn’t last very long this time and if Ian was to call it something it would have been more of a peck than a kiss really but it didn’t matter. Their lips still touched and Ian still felt like he got hit by a bullet of stupid tingly feelings._

_“You like it,” Mickey replied, the grin still bright on his face and Ian wished he could really tell him how much he actually did like it._

 

 

 

\-------

They sat in silence again for a while, taking comfort in the other’s presence. At some point Ian separated their hands and put his arm around Mickey’s shoulders instead. The apology Ian had spoken earlier was nagging at his mind. If he looked back at their shared moments, there was so much that Ian wished he could have done differently. Sometimes he spent sleepless hours with imagining how his life would be if he and Mickey would have handled some things differently and those thoughts always left him full of regret. The past was in the past though and there was nothing he could do to change it anyway but maybe he could change the way they felt about the events that happened.

“You know what I’m really sorry for?”

“Are you going to keep apologizing for things that aren’t your fault?”

Ian took off his arm around Mickey and shot him a glare which only seemed to amuse Mickey. Ian would be glad that Mickey perked up again if Ian would not feel the grave need to apologize.

“Don’t be a dick about this, Mick,” Ian said, shuffling his foot.

“Okay then.” Mickey raised his hand in surrender and Ian took a deep breath.

“I’m sorry I forced you to come out in front of your father. It really – I shouldn’t have done that Mick, you shouldn’t have –“

“Did you come up to me and specifically tell me to come out? No, so shut up.”

“I basically did though, I wanted to you to put me over your own –“

“Here I thought you were glad I came out for you,” Mickey interrupted.

“What the hell, Mickey? I am. I am … but I basically forced you to do it! I would have just walked out there and for what?”

“What the fuck are you on about, man? It was always my choice you didn’t make me do anything.”

“Still, I always expected you to do shit you weren’t ready for and I’m sorry about that I shouldn’t have done that,” Ian insisted.

“Don’t apologize for being the only person to expect something from me. You are the only person who ever really gave a shit.”

Ian’s head snapped up at Mickey’s words. He opened his mouth to say something but his throat clogged up and nothing came out. Mickey looked like he was in deep concentration however and Ian closed his mouth again, hoping that wasn’t all Mickey was going to say.

After a few seconds that felt like hours to Ian, Mickey started speaking.

“I never thought I would have this, you know? Be … happy or whatever. I never in a million fucking years thought I could be out, have a boyfriend. I always thought I’d have to stay in the closet for my whole life, marry some woman, pop out a few kids and settle for an occasional fuck in a dark alley and drink until my liver gives out.” Mickey scoffed. “Well, still had to marry a woman and have a kid,” he said, bitterness in his tone.

He took a deep breath and glanced at Ian to check if he was really listening. “But I have you and I – I don’t care how sick you are because you’re still you and that’s who I want. I mean it, Ian.”

Ian wanted to tell him that that wasn’t true. That he couldn’t possibly still be himself after this mental illness rollercoaster he had been on. That he barely knew who he himself was half the time so how could Mickey? But he held back because moments like these where Mickey actually opened up and voiced his thoughts and feelings were quite rare and Ian didn’t want Mickey to stop talking just yet.

“You ever listened to your voicemails from when you went to Indiana?” Mickey asked and Ian was irritated by sudden change of topic. He wasn’t surprised at Mickey’s apprehensive voice, though.

“No, I … I deleted them all after I got out,” Ian answered deciding to just go with it.

Mickey nodded, still not looking at Ian but staring out on the field. “I probably left you more voicemails on that day than I ever called people in my whole life.”

It had been clear that Mickey meant it as a joke but still, a sense shame and regret slowly crept up on Ian at the reminder of what he had done.

“Good thing you deleted them,” Mickey said and nudged Ian in the ribs with a small smile on his face.

“Why? Did you curse me to the moon and back?”

“Nah, but I said some shit you shouldn’t hear in a voicemail.”

“Were you so angry that you entered a higher level of your insult game?” Ian joked but Mickey only rubbed a hand over his face and Ian’s stomach dropped. That gesture usually didn’t mean anything good.

He closed his eyes.

“I said that I love you.”

Ian’s eyes snapped open so brutally it almost hurt, his wide eyes staring at Mickey. The other boy looked at Ian tentatively but his features looked determined enough for Ian to know that he had meant it.

The last time Ian was this utterly speechless was when Mickey had kissed him in the van in front of Ned’s house. Just like then a smile started spreading over Ian’s face and he pressed his forehead against Mickey’s, cradling his head in one hand. As Ian’s smile grew bigger and brighter, warmth spread through Mickey’s body, despite the cold temperatures of the air around them.

“I love you too,” Ian replied, his vice barely more than a whisper.

Mickey exhaled loudly and both their breaths gathered between them, white and warm. Sometimes he couldn’t really believe it that someone like him could feel this way – that Ian could make him feel this way. For seventeen years of his life, Mickey had thought that the miserable routine he was stuck in would continue his entire life. Somehow (illegally) try to make ends meet so they wouldn’t starve, avoid his father as much as possible and if that wasn’t an option than pull up his arms and knees so his Terry wouldn’t do him any serious damage. It was almost comforting in its routine if it also wasn’t incredibly miserable. That all had changed of course, when a certain ginger giraffe had literally barged into his life and turned Mickey upside down and inside out. So Mickey did what he never thought he’s be able to and leaned in to press his lips against Ian’s again.

Slow and delicate kisses landed on Mickey’s lips, the type that Mickey never thought he would enjoy because they reminded him too much of the ones he saw in Mandy’s chick flicks, but fuck it, if that’s what they felt like than he really didn’t give a fuck. He sneaked one hand around Ian’s head and tangled with the strands of hair which always felt softer than they looked like. He pulled Ian closer because he had always needed to be closer and closer, and darted out his tongue against Ian’s soft lips. The feelings of their tongues touching almost stole Mickey’s breath and the fire inside of his gut that only ever Ian could ignite, blazed up to his heart. It felt like his heart pumped the fire into his veins and all of his extremities warmed up and his cock grew hard slowly.

Ian pulled away all of a sudden, the most aggravated expression Mickey had ever seen on Ian’s face and punched the wall beside Mickey’s head.

“Fuck!” Ian yelled then, cradling his fist to his chest and standing up from the bench. He was pacing back and forth in front of Mickey’s eyes and Mickey was at a totally loss as to what the fuck just happened that would make Ian lash out like this.

“What the fuck, Ian?” Mickey said getting up, and stepping closer to Ian to see how badly he had hurt himself. “Why the hell did you punch the goddamn wall?”

“Because I can even get fucking hard thanks to the fucking meds,” Ian practically yelled, gesticulating wildly with his left hand.

Mickey just shook his head lightly and carefully took Ian’s right hand that was still curled into a fist against his chest to check how much damage Ian had done.

Mickey scanned his fingers across Ian’s hand, checking for broken bones or any other damage. Thankfully, it seemed like Ian got away with only the scrapes of blood across his knuckles. He definitely didn’t feel up for a visit at the clinic right now.

“Did you really punch the concrete wall just because you can’t get hard?”

“Yeah,” Ian replied. He was looking at his knuckles and stretched his fingers which didn’t really hurt but pulsed instead.

“That’s the worst reason to punch a wall for.”

“What, so you don’t care that your boyfriend can’t get it up for you?”

“This is not your fault –“

“Oh fuck off, Mickey!”

Mickey visibly rang with himself, not knowing where to put his hands and turning his body away from Ian and then back again.

“Ian Gallagher!” Mickey yelled angrily before continuing less loudly. “Will you just fucking stop? You can’t do anything about the fact that you’re sick and you also can’t do anything about the meds keeping your dick limp. It’s not your fucking fault – and by the way: it’s only a temporary side effect of your meds once your body adjusts to it your dick will be as good as new.”

Ian didn’t completely look convinced but still, a small smile appeared on his face.

“You researched the shit out of this, didn’t you?”

“Yeah, man. Wanted to know what I was gonna deal with,” Mickey answered almost sheepishly – or Mickey’s version of sheepishly, Ian thought. The sight made him smile even more.

Ian nodded, took a deep breath and took a few steps back to sit on the bench again. Talking to Mickey about this felt better than he thought it would and admittedly, it did calm him down. That was also when Ian realized that the feeling of numbness he had felt all day had disappeared almost completely. Mickey followed and they both sat at their usual spots, overlooking the baseball field in front of them.

“Clayton, by the way.”

“What?”

“My middle name’s Clayton.”

“You’re a dick, you know that?” Mickey said trying to suppress a smile.

Ian grinned back at Mickey and a wave of utter affection washed over Ian and he was amazed at the thought of how on earth they got to this point. “Yeah, so I’ve been told.”

The sun was hanging low on the horizon, bathing their surroundings in bright orange light. He would probably never tell Ian this, but Mickey loved the way Ian looked at this time of day. Frankly, Mickey always liked how Ian looked but right now Ian’s hair appeared like it was on fire and his eyes were shining in a way that they never did otherwise.

“You’re really okay with this?”

“What?”

“The diagnosis?”

Mickey sighed. “Ian, I don’t know if you noticed but I’m in this for the long run. “

“But what if I get bad again?” Ian asked, his face a mixture of pained and concerned. “What if I ruin Christmas for everybody because I can’t get out of bed or what if I accidently hit you with a baseball bat or –“

“Then we’ll deal with it until you’re better again.” There was so much conviction in Mickey’s voice that Ian was slightly taken aback.

“I just – I’m scared, Mick. And confused. Terrified,” Ian mumbled looking at the ground. “This is … not something I can control and I hate it. And yeah … I can’t do anything about it you’re right I guess, but you shouldn’t have to put up with this.”

“If I wanted to bolt I would have a long time ago. I’m not going anywhere you’re –“ Mickey thumbed his bottom lip and looked into Ian’s eyes. “You’re it for me.”

“You sure?”

“Yes, I am, Jesus Christ.”

“For a while I thought –“ Ian looked away, blushing from embarrassment. “For a while I thought the only reason you were with me was because I was the only one you could be with.”

As soon as the words left Ian’s mouth he wished he had never said them. Here, Mickey just fully committed to Ian just like he had dreamed of for a long and there Ian was confessing this ugly thing that Mickey didn’t really deserve to hear. He already tried to come up with ways to take the statement back when Mickey replied.

“Not the only one, Ian. The one and only.” Mickey’s voice sounded calm and collected and that alone comforted Ian more than Mickey probably could imagine.

They looked at each other before a big grin broke out on Ian’s face. He nudged Mickey in the ribs and let out a small laugh. The sound of the giggle that Mickey let out was the second best thing he had heard that day and suddenly it seemed like not kissing Mickey right now was the biggest waste of time. So, Ian decided to use the time he’s been given more wisely and pressed his lips against Mickey’s. Their kiss was teeth and tongue and heat and everything else that they had in them. Ian didn’t know if it was just imagination but kissing Mickey now that he knew for sure that the older boy loved him felt even more intense than before. It probably was imagination but it was a nice thought nonetheless and Ian was a sucker for those.

“When did you become such a sap?” Ian asked against Mickey’s lips, their foreheads still touching.

“Since my boyfriend is the biggest sap on this side of Chicago probably,” Mickey replied with a similar smile shining back at Ian.

They both went back to kissing because they had never been good at staying away from each other for long.

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading and i'm grateful for any feedback! come say hi on tumblr [@caputdraconis](http://caputdraconis.tumblr.com)


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